So, I've dropped a pretty significant amount of weight in the last few months. It was never really a conscious decision, just something that happened more or less organically. But either way, I'm looking pretty good these days. (I think, anyway. I know some people will disagree with this, and that's fine, whatever. I feel good about myself and that's enough for me.)
I like this. It's weird sometimes, like when men on the subway stare at me or when construction workers catcall. But do those things make me feel bad or afraid or like I'm being unfairly objectified as a woman? Absolutely not. If anything, they make me feel a little bit better about myself. Blame it on a lack of self-confidence in my important early adolescent years, or a need for male validation because of my relationship with my father (seriously, I'm a psych major, I could give you reasons all day long), but at the end of the day I just feel like I'm being appreciated for the hard work I put in to look good. I also have a lot more self-confidence now than I used to. So I take it as a compliment.
I like compliments (uhm, duh). And do I care if they come from my mom or my boyfriend or my best friend or a coworker or a construction worker or a random stranger on the street? Not at all. To me, I see no difference between a construction worker catcalling and a girl telling me she loves my outfit. They're both telling me the same thing: that I look good, and I should know it.
Maybe it's because I believe that people are innately good and kind and not something I should be afraid of, but I love when strangers compliment me or even just talk to me. That's one of my favorite things, honestly. I'll have a conversation with a woman at the sinks in the ladies' room or a guy on the subway platform or a little kid in line in front of me at the grocery store or even the construction workers that catcall me. It probably has to do with my small-town background, where everyone I saw was someone I had known for years.
But living in New York isn't the same as living in a small town. People caution me all the time about being careful, about looking out for myself, about making sure I don't take the train alone at night. And I listen, usually. I don't go out actively seeking trouble. I'm smart enough to realize that if I'm going out with friends, I should make sure I have company to walk home. But have there been times where I need to get from Point A to Point B by myself in the middle of the night? Yep. And so I do.
There's a certain way that a girl should carry herself when she's alone at night in New York. You've got to walk with confidence and not make eye contact with anyone. I've found that pretending to have a conversation on the phone is a great plan, as is listening to an iPod. At the end of the day, though, if you don't go out actively looking for trouble, you're going to be fine. Very few people want to seriously hurt you, no matter what Law & Order may say. Random crimes are extremely rare.
But there's a very big difference between how you should behave on a dark street, alone, in the middle of the night, and how you can and should act the rest of the time. New Yorkers get a bad rap for being unfriendly, but I don't think that's true. I love talking to people, and I never feel like talking to them is a bad idea or something that'll put me in danger.
Is this bad advice for other girls to follow? I don't know. But I think that as long as you don't behave like an idiot, and you know how to handle yourself (and pick up a few hand-to-hand combat courses somewhere along the way: they're a great workout and you'll feel ten thousand times safer) you'll be fine. Don't be afraid of people. They won't hurt you unless you deserve it. And when those construction workers catcall you, don't take it personally. They do it to everyone.
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